Did You Actually Think That Was Funny Though
You know how the saying goes: Laughter is the best medicine. And there's so much truth to that one-time aphorism. If you're having a bad day, or if someone yous beloved needs a niggling cheering upward, humor can help ease the tension and create a trivial pocket of joy among life'south stresses.
This collection of funny quotes provides an array of ways to trigger that smile and turn around someone'due south lousy mood. (Fifty-fifty if that someone is you!) Nosotros've got funny quotes about love, marriage, aging, parenting, and and then many more relatable topics. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even just to print and hang above your desk to serve as a little reminder that life's not that serious — and we're all much better off laughing so we don't cry!
These funny quotes come from famous comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. Y'all'll also find laugh-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms similar The Office, and funny-but-oh-and then-wise movies similar Steel Magnolias. Then enjoy our list and bookmark it to come back to anytime you need a laugh.
Looking for more inspiration? Check out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes about life.
Funny Quotes Well-nigh Life
ane. "Life is short. Drive fast and get out a sexy corpse. That'southward one of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Office
2. "There is no sunrise and so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it."
―Mindy Kaling
3. "I always cook with wine. Sometimes I fifty-fifty add it to the food."
—West.C. Fields
four. "People say money is not the cardinal to happiness, but I accept always figured if you lot accept plenty coin, you tin take a central fabricated."
—Joan Rivers
5. "Do not take life too seriously. You will never leave of it alive."
—Elbert Hubbard
6. "I more often than not avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
―Mae West
vii. "Sometimes you prevarication in bed at night and y'all don't accept a single thing to worry near. That always worries me!"
—Charlie Brown
8. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
—James Co-operative Cabell
ix. "I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
―Bill Watterson
10. "Yous merely live once, but if you do it correct, once is enough."
―Mae Due west
11. "If at showtime y'all don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No employ being a damn fool about it."
―Westward.C. Fields
12. "I honey mankind... information technology's people I can't stand!!"
― Charles M. Schulz
13. "I remember God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability."
―Oscar Wilde
14. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I desire people to be afraid of how much they dearest me."
—Michael Scott, The Office
15. "Two things are infinite: the universe and man stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe."
―Albert Einstein
16. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Decease is peaceful. Information technology'due south the transition that's troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
18. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. At present I realize I should have been more than specific."
—Lily Tomlin
19. "I have a lot of growing upwardly to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
20. "I merely want to lie on the embankment and eat hot dogs. That'south all I've ever wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Office
21. "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot practice that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
—Dwight Schrute, The Function
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you lot can do the 24-hour interval later tomorrow just as well."
—Mark Twain
23. "I'm non crazy — I've simply been in a very bad mood for twoscore years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, you know what they say: If you don't have anything prissy to say almost anybody, come sit past me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A adult female is like a tea bag: You tin't tell how strong she is until you lot put her in hot water."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with y'all in the limo, but what yous desire is someone who volition accept the motorbus with you when the limo breaks down."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatsoever women do they must do twice every bit well as men to be thought half every bit good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I potable to brand other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Vino is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
30. "When yous're in jail, a good friend volition be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'one thousand not offended by blonde jokes because I know I'1000 not dumb. And I also know that I'1000 not blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my cupboard."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
33. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every 4 Americans is suffering from some class of mental illness. Think of your three all-time friends. If they're OK, and then information technology's you." —Rita Mae Brown
35. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy trouble. But they don't really know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste their time pondering whether a glass is one-half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatsoever's in the glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
37. "I don't care what they say nearly me. I just want to eat."
—Pam Beesly, The Function
38. "Don't waste and so much time thinking about how much y'all weigh. At that place is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
xl. "I don't trust anyone who does their own pilus. I don't recall it'south natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes About Aging
41. "The hugger-mugger of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
—Lucille Ball
42. "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' beyond your face."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow downward by your doctor, instead of by the constabulary."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How you lot stay looking and then immature?' I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm former, and so I'm giving it anyway."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
46. "No thing how bad things get, recollect these sage words: You're quondam, yous sag, get over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
47. "You lot know you're getting onetime when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could exercise while y'all're downwards there." —George Burns
48. "Age is something that doesn't matter unless y'all are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "Equally you go older, three things happen. The kickoff is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Union
50. "Earlier you lot marry a person, you should first brand them utilise a computer with slow Net service to run into who they actually are."
—Will Ferrell
51. "Women marry men hoping they volition change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I love you no matter what you exercise, but do yous have to do so much of information technology?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Beloved is blind but marriage is a real centre-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The hole-and-corner to a long matrimony is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The all-time way to get most husbands to do something is to advise that perhaps they're besides old to practise it."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "As a man in a relationship, you accept a simple choice. Yous can either be right, or you tin be happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Behind every groovy human being is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The just thing worse than being talked about is not being talked near."
—Oscar Wilde
60. "The older yous get, the meliorate you get. Unless you're a assistant."
—Betty White
61. "If you tin can't exist kind, at least be vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Anybody who tells you coin tin can't purchase happiness never had any."
—Samuel 50. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Bill Watterson
64. "Don't exist and so humble — you are not that dandy."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a skilful chance to shut upwards."
―Will Rogers
66. "I've had great success beingness a total idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Exercise things that make you lot happy inside the confines of the legal system."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Go to sky for the climate, hell for the visitor."
—Mark Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes also long."
—Carrie Fisher
seventy. "Don't go around saying the earth owes y'all a living. The world owes you nothing. Information technology was here outset."
—Marker Twain
71. "My tastes are elementary: I am easily satisfied with the best."
―Winston S. Churchill
72. "All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the high road and how loftier it should exist should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Exist wise, because the globe needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just carry like they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay truthful to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless yous're in the forest and you're lost and yous see a path so by all means you should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who recollect they know everything are a nifty annoyance to those of u.s. who do."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is every bit nasty as himself, and hates them for it."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Money tin can't buy you happiness, but it tin can purchase you lot a yacht big plenty to pull upwardly correct alongside it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave the states 2 ends: I to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which i we utilize the about."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes Nearly Parenting
80. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. And so I desire to move in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "It is not easy existence a mother. If it were piece of cake, fathers would practise information technology."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
84. "Adults are ever asking children what they desire to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If you are not yelling at your kids, you lot are non spending plenty fourth dimension with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "There is no such thing every bit fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to salve the earth. No i wants to help mom do the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes About Work
88. "Everything I have I owe to this chore... this stupid, wonderful, ho-hum, astonishing job."
—Jim Halpert, The Part
89. "An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come up true."
—Michael Scott, The Office
xc. "So this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Part
91. "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework can't kill you, but why have the chance?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. Y'all brand the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to kickoff all over again."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I like work. It fascinates me. I tin can sit and look at information technology for hours."
―Jerome K. Jerome
95. "I always get in late at the office, but I brand up for it past leaving early."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is like beingness caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The but thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Brown
98. "Y'all tin can't have a one thousand thousand-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All y'all need in this life is ignorance and conviction — so success is sure."
—Mark Twain
100. "Even if you are on the right runway, you will get run over if you lot only sit down there."
—Will Rogers
This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to assistance users provide their electronic mail addresses. You may be able to find more than information almost this and similar content at pianoforte.io
Source: https://www.womansday.com/life/a38629035/funny-quotes/